What Ariana Grande And Marie Kondo Can Teach Us About Moving On

Sitting down to work, and already feeling like it was time to procrastinate, I spotted my Q&A A Day: 5 Year Journal*. I, admittedly, hadn’t opened it in a while so thought I’d go back through the last few days.

The first page I turned to asked the question:

‘Are you holding a grudge?

About?’.

I smiled as I read my answers over the last couple of years:

2017: Hmm, no! Can’t remember the last time I held a grudge about anything.

2018: Nope! Still no grudges!

Now, I know this could make me seem all ‘holier than thou’ — and I certainly don’t think you’re a bad person if you do hold grudges — but I’ve had my moments. I definitely don’t breeze through life cool, carefree and confident, unable to be affected by anyone’s words or actions.

Do I get hurt? Yes.

Do I sometimes think about negative past experiences? Yes.

Do I hold onto that experience and let bitterness fester? No.

Here’s how I see it: holding a grudge is almost as if you are looking at a photograph of your experience; a snapshot from your memory. Seeing this regularly will only strengthen feelings of pain, sadness, and, possibly, resentment. You need to be able to accept what happened, learn from the experience, and move on.

So, take that photograph and trash it, burn it, or store it in a box in your attic, but don’t display it in a rose gold frame and hang it in your bathroom next to your ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ sign.

By doing this, you are only holding yourself back: holding onto something you don’t need will weigh you down; mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Here is where our dear friends Marie Kondo and Ariana Grande step in:

Does this spark joy? If not…

Unless you’ve been living under a virtual rock recently, you’ve more than likely heard of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo; a Netflix show that dazzled January with its decluttering and folding techniques.

Every episode focuses on a different household — each with its unique problems and priorities — and goes through the stages of how to (you guessed it) tidy everything up.

As much as I love watching everyone organise their stuff (this isn’t even sarcasm, folks), one of the key takeaways from the show is not about the physical act of tidying.

I’m talking about Marie Kondo’s method of choosing whether to keep something or discard it. In The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up*, Marie Kondo asks:

What standard do you use to decide what to throw away?

She is talking about material belongings, but what she writes is extremely applicable to emotional experiences. Kondo writes that there are two key thought processes behind the act of discarding:

One is to discard things when they cease being functional, for example, when something breaks down beyond repair or when part of a set is broken.

Does this resonate with you? Perhaps you have left a job that didn’t serve you any more or you’ve been in a toxic relationship that was past the point of no return.

Another is to discard things that are out of date, such as clothes that are no longer in fashion or things related to an event that has passed.

Perhaps this could pertain to a fleeting friendship or a habit you picked up because it was “trendy at the time”?

In the show, Kondo instructs the families to hold physical items and ask themselves ‘does this spark joy?’ If it does, they put it on the pile of what to keep. If not, she asks them to ‘thank’ the clothing and put it on the pile to donate or throw away.

The act of thanking something you no longer need is what stood out to me.

It’s almost as if you’re saying “thank you for all those memories and experiences you held my hand through, but it’s time to move on.”

Sounds familiar, no?

thank u, next

I know this isn’t a song about folding t-shirts but hear me out.

Ariane Grande’s Number One single ‘thank u, next’ is ALL about reflecting on your past relationships, learning from them, thanking them, and moving on.

In the lyrics, Grande shares what her past relationships have taught her:

One taught me love
One taught me patience
And one taught me pain

In this song, Grande isn’t holding any grudges or carrying that emotional weight around with her. She’s thanking her past for forming her present:

Now, I’m so amazing
Say I’ve loved and I’ve lost
But that’s not what I see
So, look what I got
Look what you taught me

Instead of feeling like she’s lost something or, even, wasted time on a relationship, Grande is appreciating those experiences and moving on.

The ‘KonAri’ Method

By adding the ‘next’ from ‘thank u, next’ onto Marie Kondo’s ‘Spark Joy’ method, you aren’t just saying goodbye to things that no longer serve you (like a grudge); you are looking forward to what the universe has in store for you next.

This works really well with material objects but imagine if you could apply the ‘spark joy/thank u, next’ mindset (what I’ve also dubbed as the ‘KonAri’ method) to everything in your life.

If you can throw out clothes that don’t bring you happiness, you should also be able to let go of things that are dragging you down mentally.

Here are some simple ways you can get started with KonAri-ing your life:

👋(thank you) Say ‘girl, bye’ to any newsletters you are subscribed to that don’t serve you anymore

👉 (next) and then look for some new places to consume content that is aligned with your values, goals, and focuses.

👋 Have a contact list cleanse and say ‘thank u, next’ to people you know you don’t want to stay in contact with anymore (maybe that ‘friend’ you haven’t spoken to since ‘that thing happened’ or that ex you keep drunk texting)

👉 and then refresh your ‘favourites’ list with some friends and family you intend to connect more frequently with.

👋 Delete any apps on your phone that are distracting or fueling any negative habits (this could be anything from candy crush to calorie counting apps)

👉 and you’ll have more space on your phone to store photos of future memories, download new podcasts, or listen to your favourite albums.

👋 Say ‘adieu’ to items on your to-do list that are causing you stress and anxiety (how can you simplify them? Is there anything you can cut out?)

👉 and create an intentional plan for reaching your goals.

Digging a little deeper, you can start to apply KonAri to bigger things in your life such as relationships, career, health, finances, and more.

For example, if you’re getting over a breakup, try to focus on the lessons you’ve learned and the memories you cherish. If your relationship were a t-shirt, imagine holding it, appreciating it, and then setting it aside.

You don’t need to carry it around in your figurative emotional baggage if you don’t want to.

If you’ve been trying to get into a new workout routine but you’re struggling to get into the swing of running every day, don’t worry. Time to say ‘thank you’ to running — it wasn’t for you — and move on to something else. Maybe it’s time to try ballet* or swimming instead?

KonAri won’t apply to everything in your life. Some things call for you to work on them, some need time to be understood fully, and, unfortunately, some are impossible for you to say ‘goodbye’.

Are you holding onto any grudges that need to be let go? Is it time to take the high road? Have you gained all you can out of something?

It might be time to say ‘thank u, next’ to those things. Who knows? The ‘next’ could be something incredible.

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